One year have past, I still can remember what happened exactly one year ago in the bloody cold hospital......
First time in my life tt death was so close. From then, I experienced how scary death can be. It took away the life of the person I loved without my permission and it made me cry in a deep despire. Thereafter, I live in anxiety, I am afraid tt it will again take away the lives of people around me and leave me alone in this world.
Started calling grandma very often this year, at least once a week. Everytime after the sunday church section, there would be a strong urge in me to call back. It becomed a habit of me to listen to gradma talking abt how she spent her week. I always think a lot after calling her.
She is very optimistic, I have to admit. She is trying hard to fulfil her day with gatherings with her old friends, watching TV, playing mahjong etc. Everytime I called her, she would talk abt who she met and where she went to play and what show she was watching, and she would tell me not to worry about her, she noes how to plan her life, how to take care of herself etc. She sounded happy and satisfied, but I dun noe whether her words make me reasured or make me even more worried.
I am happy tt she have things to do everyday, but when I visualize the fact tt now she have to walk to the place alone and walk back alone, or attending gatherings alone, I felt sad. It is very hard to adapt lonely life when alr get used to be accompanied. There is no one to talk to when she cannot sleep at night......
I kept thinking whether she is really happy or she said all those just to reasure me. My heart hurts everytime, when I think abt grandpa, she should be the same as me bah......
I could feel tt in this year, her memory and hearings were getting worse and worse, and now I am really scared......
I will go back in Jan next year, just in time to celebrate her birthday with her. I promised grandpa tt I will spend more time with grandma. If the wheather is ok, I will bring her to some other places to travel!
Still, missing my dearest gradpa......