`♥}-Worlds

31.7.088:24 pm
Happy Birthday Mummy!!!!!!!!

Today is Mummy's birthday, a big happy birthday to my dearest Mummy!

I am now at my Mum's working place waiting for her to finish her work then go home together. Actually I am here to deliver the home-made birthday dinner for her. haha!!

Finished sch at 3 this afternoon, then I rushed home straight away. Luckily there is a NTUC near my house, I went to get wad ever ingredients I need. Reached home at abt 5pm. Then i started cooking. Since JC life start I rarely have time to cook or even eat at home, so it took me quite a while to find all the seasonings. But when I got use to the kitchen condition, it was not a problem for me liao!! ahhaha!! xiang3 dang3 nian2, when I was sec3 sec4 tt time, I cooked almost everyday leh!! haha!!

Emm!! Mum seemed like enjoyed it very much!! haha!!^o^

Secret

30.7.087:30 pm
lonely~~~

千言万语
~邓丽君~

不知道为了什么
忧愁它围绕著我
我每天都在祈祷
快赶走爱的寂寞
~~~~~~~~~~~

dun noe why, this song came to my mind when I was on the bus home this afternoon. Though it was older than me, it was truly a beautiful song.

I am tired,
I am sick,
I am ~~~~~~~~~~~

对不起, 我不知道我还可以坚持多久, 你让我爱得好寂寞, 好孤独......

"你像一座孤傲的岛,
有自己的城堡,
我是上不了岸的潮,
也只能将你围绕."

我想要的就只是一个拥抱,一句关心和一个可以依靠的肩膀......

Secret

29.7.089:48 pm
I need to find my motivation......

Wad Ms Kong said yesterday was totally correct lah!! All of us need to find our motivations in study!

When I was in secondary sch, my motivation was to get in HCI, cos it is a elite sch, it has Gefang......ect. But now, after going through 7 months of the JC life, I a bit sian liao, all the freshness was totally gone, and I just realised tt these months I dun have any motivation to make me study.

I am lost. Where is my future, where is the mugger xiao chun, where is my motivation, where can I find them????

I need to mug mug mug, but not aimlessly!!!!!!!

Secret

27.7.087:43 pm
the theory is dame clear liao, just left the practical part......

没那么爱他
-- 范玮琪

你有权利情绪化
你不一定要坚强
但有些事情不能伪装
别为自己设了框

我懂失去的悲伤
也懂进退的挣扎
但想起过去都是失望
又何必要放不下

是习惯还是爱
不放心还是不甘心
只有你自己知道解答

其实你没有那么爱他
真的不需要那么想他
编织过的梦想自己也可以抵达
谁说一定要有他
其实你没有那么爱他
没有深陷到不可自拔
认清了真心话你就放得下

深呼吸抬头望
发现天空很宽广
这世界那么大
幸福总会在某个地方

其实你没有那么爱他
真的不需要那么想他
拥有过的计划留给值得的对象
你知道不会是他
其实你没有那么爱他
没有深陷到不可自拔
认清了真心话你就放得下

Secret

11:19 am
I love my MUMMY!!!!!!!!

Wanted to blog yesterday night when I reached home, but.......

I reached home at about 11:00, Mummy was watching TV. I turned on my computer to check my emails etc. It was only 11:30, Mummy started to chase me to go sleep, I was telling her tt I havn't do anything yet and I asked her to go sleep first.

She was ok with it at first, then she went to turn off the TV. I was trying to stop her, cos I wanted watch TV also. But she was saying cannot, and asked me to choose one, either the computer or the TV. I asked her why cannot have both. She gave me a very reasonable reason tt I must concentrate on one thing. I was trying to convince her tt I can multitask and wad I was doing was not important, just for entertainment. After a while I found it useless cos she was repeating her statement and she just turned off the TV without listening to wad I was saying.

Ok fine, then I choose my computer. The next thing happen was, she came to stand in front of my computer, stared at me with her hands crossed. I was asking her to go sleep first cos I need some more time to finish wad i wanted to do, but she never answered me and still remained standing there. I felt like laughing at wad she was doing, but I did not cos she seemed like she was serious. haha!! I had no choice but to leave my computer and forced myself to kiss my bed. haha!! LOL!!

Just realise tt mummy is in her middle age alr, next thursday is her birthday. She is growing younger and i am growing older. She tends to be like a child and I tend to be like an adult who have to persuade the child to do some thing. Tt seems so funny!! But I really hope tt we could switch our roles one day where I become the one taking care of my mummy. Yup!!! I love my mummy!!<33

Btw, yesterday was dame fun, had GEMS in Caroline's house, her brother gave our class a baking course. Though it was not my first time going caro's house, still found her house so imba, every time went there got new discovery. haha!! Yesterday was abt her fish. wow dame big lah, their mouths were big enough to bite my entire arm. sooo scary~~~

Finish our dinner at her house at abt 8pm, the class was like dame on lah, decided to go pool at bukit timah plaza together. The place was crowded, finally got our table. But me Caroline and Joyce were ended up chatting on the sofa there while watching the rest playing. Caroline was telling us abt her brother's resault, me and joyce's mouths never closed through out the conversation. Just very shocked tt ppl can get into medical course without mugging very hard. OMTs, there is really genius in this world!!!!!!!!! Can I have half or just one quarter of their brains!!!!!!!!!!!

Secret

24.7.0810:41 pm
The first time I cry for friendship......

I dun noe wad to start with, it is the first time tt I cry for friendship. she noe me so well and I dun really understand her.

Maybe I am really a bad friend bah! Friends should be considerate, caring, understand each other from the heart and able to think in each other's angle, but I did neither for her.

She was happy all the time on the outside, so I thought she was really happy. We r so close, but I nv ever sensed tt I was hurting her, I made her heart bleeding, I made her feel sooo emo. I was still joking, laughing and doing all those things which I think tt I was helping her.

Wad she said was totally correct; some of the things I did, she did not say anything didn't mean she didn't mind. I cannot sense tt she was angry until I talked to her online just now.

Everyone definately have some sad times lah, they dun show it out becos they want to be happy. How can I dun noe this???

Sorry, I am such a bad friend. Sorry for making you so emo. Sorry for letting you down. I am really sorry!

Maybe we should switch our positions where I am going to be your listener, listen to all you want to say, and noe u better, understand u better.

Infact, frendship is more important for me. My heart hurts more this time......

I am really very very sorry.

I want to change, so pls do tell me if I am doing sth which hurts you.

Huo4 Bu4 Dan1 xing2!!!!!!!

A few hours ago, I knew tt I was a bad friend. Now I noe, I am a bad daughter also.

Mum was chasing me to go sleep just now, when I was chatting online. But I just stared at the screen and ignored wad she said, cos I was very disordered just now.

After talking to me for a few minutes and I do not answering anything, she is angry now.

Ohh no, she cannot be angry at this point of time. Her birthday is coming. 31 July, I was thinking of cooking something for her tt day and bring her for a movie at night. But if she is angry, I dun dare to do tt loh. OMT!! Why everything goes wrong today, oh no, yesterday.

I am terribly sorry mummy, I wanted to explain to you, but it is just not a correct time. Even myself dun noe wad to do with me---- the very very very very bad girl!

I am such a loser who keep making ppl around me feel disappointed, frustrated or even irritated. How ah?

Secret

10:38 pm
random~~~

The photo in the previous post was taken from Mutton's notebook quite randomly, but anyway, it was quite true lah!=(

Joyce was singing this song to me when she noe abt the thing. It was a quite old song, but I used to like it very much!

~做一天的你~
蔡依林
不想不想再被你看轻
可是我始终还不够聪明
在你面前不敢表现不高兴
不想不想爱被看清
然而决定总是不够坚定
狠不下心不懂对你任性
为何付出的心都得不到回应
一切努力都是零多么
可惜我还分得清
这是同情不是感情

我只要做一天的你
让我用一天你的表情
了解你的心情
永远受欢迎
带一点烦恼的高兴

只要你做一天的我
让你过一天我的心情
耗尽所有热情
所有决心还被你否定
是多么不公平

Secret

10:08 pm
random~~~

Secret

20.7.0810:19 pm
JC life is complecating......

I really believe the saying: 心有灵犀不点通! but that only apply to my very close friends! haha!! This morning was reading Zoe's blog, she havn't reply my tag, haha!! Wanted to call her, but need to rush for my church section, so I was thinking of calling her after tt. haha!! When I reached home, I received a message from her, she asked me to go airport to mug with her. ahhaha!! so qiao3!! haha!! I called her and we decided to go out immediately!!!

I was really very happy, we nv meet up after taking our O'level results, I miss her a lot!! I was very excited on the bus to terminal 2. I looked out the window, all those memories appeared in my mind, it was like yesterday.

We always stayed back to "mug" in sch, also go out together to mug on holidays or weekends, actually most of the time we were playing bingo or chatting, day-dreaming then we ended up go shopping instead of mugging. haha!! The airport was our favourate place cos the environment there was quite comfortable. We liked to stay at the Polar cafe there, cos it located near the arrival hall. Everytime we could see a lot of couples or families gathered there, so warm and happy, and then we started to day-dream about our future families. haha!! We are the typical xiao3 nv3 ren2 type loh! haha!!

Finally met her at the MAC there, she did not change at all, still very cute and hyper. We found a seat and sat down quickly, then we start our conversation. Both of us have long stories to tell, and they are alike. Why ah? The stupid hormone is it?? JC life is not tt easy, both of us agree with tt.

Dun worry, we will find our xin4 fu4 one day!! Wish u all the best!!=)

Very strange tt the whole day I was singing zhen1 shi2, nvm lah, I just write down wad ever sentences appeal to me here:

《真实》
你说的话在我心中生了根，
爱得很深所以心很疼，
记忆在我的心中翻滚，
是不是每一个人，
都像我一样笨。

只怕再问对彼此都太残忍，
我能感觉另外一个人，
我等等笑容换成泪痕，
爱在崩溃的时候比较真。

太多疑问知道答案又如何，
原来容忍不需要天份，
只要爱错一个人。

心痛比快乐更真实，
爱为何这样的讽刺，
我忘了这是第几次，
一见你就无法坚持。
孤独比拥抱更真实，
爱让人失去了理智，
会不会是我太自私，
拒绝更寂寞的日子。
放不开也看不见未来，
难道这种不完美，
才是爱情真实的样子。

random songs:

我烦时间是最残酷的, 我怎么等.

你想要的是什么, 站在你背后, 我连呼吸都痛.

不要当我每次唱情歌, 眼里总有太多泪不停拉扯.

你让我成长了, 就算是痛得值得.

流泪记住了, 还是微笑祝福著.

一光年的距离就象你和我之间的距离, 那样遥远. 你就是那棵最最耀眼的大星星整个夜空因为有你才会那么美丽, 而我就是你身边那棵不会有人注意的小星星, 那样平凡那样黯淡, 可是即使是最不起眼的小星星它也有梦想, 它也有希望, 它期待有一天大星星会注意到它, 会把自己的光芒照耀到它身上. 因为毕竟它们之间的距离那么的接近, 只是一光年而已.

Secret

8:38 am
Boarding sch rocks!!!!!!!!

Well yesterday's performance at boarding sch was quite ok!! haha!! much much much much.......... better than the stupid RHD one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The sound system in boarding sch rocks, in fact I feel that it is better than our concert one leh, then of course much much much much.....................better than the super duper stupid PA in sch lah!!!!!! very pissed with the sch PA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Finally got back some face and broken confidence!! Ai~~~~~

Gefang has a long way to go through!! Jia You!!!

Btw, I was looking at the gefang notes for keybord on the bus to meet mutton yesterday, it appears very easy on the notes, but i noe how difficult it is in terms of practical. The first lesson qinny gave me alr frightened me, haha!!! But i am the kind of wild grass, will always find the little confidence to grow de!! ahhaha!!

After look through tt, I started to dreaming abt being an imba keyboardist like qinny, shu wen and ageline on the bus. Imagine one day I can play the songs on the keyboard by just listening to it, OMT, soooooo pro!! ahhaha!!

But tt was just a dream, hehe!! Back to reality, I was still at the major chord, minor chord etc.... hahahaha!!! but nvm, ppl like me always have beatiful dreams!!! hehe!!

Jia You bah, xiao chun!!! Go for your dream!!!!!<3

Met mutton at the KAP MAC for lunch, the first reaction she had when she saw me was " are you going to wear this to perform later?"

I was wearing a black track pads and a black T-shirt, cos I want to be dull and low profile, still live in the shadow of the stupid RHD performence. It was very out compare to mutton's cloth, she wore until so pretty, somemore I am sing shuo1 ai4 ni3 and cest la vie with her leh. haha!! no choice lah.

Then we went to boarding sch to meet the rest, I saw my song parterner shi qi, who was also wearing very pretty clothes, aiya, I decided to borrow a white shirt from daqi, so it will be better than pure black!! ahhaha!! just like tt loh, no face alr, just low low low low low low~~~~~~~~` ahhaha!!

Anyway: 过去的就让它辗转过去, 不要一味回顾, 收拾起我们破碎的心情, 不再停下脚步......
haha!!! S72 CLL ppl's favourate song. The lyrics are quite true!!! ahhaha!!

Secret

19.7.0812:08 am
BLACK friday......

Wow!! This friday was dame unstable......was at the summit, then later dropped into the valley.

Wad should i begain with? How should i begain this?

Early in the morning, I was immersed in my super duper retarded, fake as well as funny dream last night. It was a rare dream tt I can remember when I got up. I laugh at myself, laugh at the stupid dream.

In the morning, I wish tt I did not come to school so early, I wish tt my eye sight was not tt good, I will tt I could just dull everything! Wad did I feel and wad shoul I feel? I have no idea!

At 8:00 am, It was the happiest lesson I've ever had this week! I love my CLL class a lot, I can learn a lot, laugh a lot as well as stone a lot. The two sentenses tt zhang lao shi gave us as a present help me survive the rest of my day!

为爱牺牲一切, 为爱离弃一切;
然而你听我说, 你必须保留今天, 明天, 你整个的未来,
让它们绝对自由, 不要被你的爱人占领.

I wish I could have heared this a few months before or maybe just a few hours before. I want the freedom that use to belong to me!

another one is this:

不管世界多么热闹, 热闹永远只占据世界的一小部分,
热闹之外的世界无边无际,
那里有着我的位置,
一个安静的位置.
哲学的本义是爱智慧,
爱智慧甚于爱一切.
包括甚于爱生命.

In the afternoon, at about 3 pm, tt was when the nightmare start. The audiance were much better, there was a silent second before the first sentense of our fisrt song, follows by the silence poses, blanked music, question marks as well as laughters which we alr get use to them. We try to act calm and enjoy, but actually deep inside us were really mass up. One very loud, one very soft, one absolutely silent. The loud one went sharp at the last line of the second chorus, the soft one could hardly heared, the silent one could not hear at all. Wow, we still manage to finish our song tt requires 3 different parts of melody and harmony. Then ran off with the fastest speed we could ever had. Second song was like one loud, one soft, one very soft. Wow that was really dame "professional", luckily the loud one was dame nice. Third one was merely heard in the laughters. Fourth one was really impressive, well done, Jie hui and Mei ting!

Back to the RUA at abt 3:30pm, stone there for more than 40 mins. Dun dare to walk out, dun dare to move around. This was the time when the second sentence given by zhang lao shi came to my mind. The outside was noisy but I was silent......

At 5:15pm, needed to go for gefang practice for the performance in boarding sch on sat. Had no choice but to move the keyboard back to hui suo which was on the 4th floor of the A block. Dun dare to pass by the class bentch, just walked along the walls outside fishtank and strugged to climb the stairs with the heavy keyboard. Dun dare to look around, dun dare to raise up the head.

Reached boarding sch at abt 6, stoned and chatted with the rest, suddenly felt like to cut my hair or even shave it. I lied on her shoulder and wish I could just stay like tt. She changed my hair style and took retarded pics with me. I was acting high on the small stage there, but wasn't high deep inside my heart.

Got on the bus at abt 8pm outside NJC, it was crowded. Still sad, feel like calling her. At this pt of time only she could tell jokes. She was with her outside, laughing for sth happened in the afternoon which was like a few hours before. Laughed out loud on the bus, ignored all other passengers on the bus, got away from the crowde world.

Ok, said out everything, felt like relieved now. Really ok liao and will just live for myself and for the ppl who love me! Thanks a lot, will stand up soon de!=)

Secret

17.7.089:26 pm
SHE

she is trying to do her best,
she is trying to ignore all the laughters,
she is trying to fight with herself to forget abt the audiances,
she is trying to have the courage to walk out the audi,
she is trying to change her face after the thingy so no one can recognise her,
she is trying to dig a hole in the school to hide in,

she is still trying hard.......

Secret

15.7.0810:22 pm
Jia You and pray hard....

Tml is the thingy, I think I am more nervous for this performance than for my concert, though I only got one song.

Just pray hard tt the PA system won't screw up tml. Hope it will be a nice show and will be a good entertainment for the seniors!

Ps: thank you my dears for the great encouragement! Xiao Chun will try her best de!:D

Secret

13.7.081:09 pm
My family in the future......<3

Well, just now went to church with my Mum in the morning as usual. I was touched by the people more specificly the families attending the church. There is a section in my church where the father will ask the ppl to give each other a sign of peace. I hugged my Mum and whispered peace with you, then I turn around to say tt to the smiling faces around me.

I saw a family of four in front of me, though they were sitting in different rows cos the church was too crowded, they still hold each other's hand when singing the songs. The younger daughter was stick to the father and the older brother was stick to the mother, and the father keeped turning back look at the mother and the son and asking them whether they got wad the readings mean or not. It was sooooo sweet!!!!^o^

When I turn to my left I saw a big family, they gave each other a love kiss at the cheek without missing any single member of the family, the grand mother, the younger brother even the baby sister. It was soooo natural and sooooo warm!!! I like this kind of feeling a lot. I missed my family, long time nv see them, hug them, kiss them.

I sat down, my attention was not on wad the father said or the content of the readings. My mind was floating around, I started to think of my family in the future......hehe!<3

err...... for my husband, no need to be very good looking, or very rich, but must be a caring, filial and responsible person. haha!! Must at least spend the sunday morning with the family in church no matter how busy he is! It will be very sweet to go to the church with the whole family. At first is two person, then it becomes 3, then 4......hehe!!^_^ I would like my husband and me to kiss the children first, then I will ask my children to kiss my mum or my mother/father in law, then I will hug and kiss the mothers and the fathers at their cheeks, finally give my husband a short and sweet kiss!=)hahahaha!!

think too far alr!! but it was a sweet dream wasn't it!! haha!! I was too engrossed in my future family church section tt I smiled stupidly while sitting there with my mum. My mum suddenly turned to me and asked me what were you laughing, I said, nothing, nothing, but still smiled retardedly. haha!! I think my mum will suspect me again liao!!! haha!!

Feel like to sing the bu4 xiang3 zhang3 da4 in another way-- hen3 xiang3 zhang3 da4, haha!! :D

Anyway, i am very angry with myself, i on the computer because i plan to do my bio independent study abt the gene mutation, but end up blogging here and taking the quizes tt my friend invited me to do on my friendster...... btw the quizes are quite interesting, my friend invited me to do the one on Are You in Love? the result came out was quite true, so i went on to do some more quizes, the results were all quite good, haha, until I take the Are You a Good Person? quize, the result came out like this:
Cute
Cute people are highly suspicious! Because you're cute, people naturally trust you. That trust, however, may be misplaced. Often a cute demeanor is merely the cover for a nefarious person.
This is absolutely not true lah, in the first place I dun think I am the cute type, and I am not suspicious, ppl close to me all noe tt I am secretless. Most importantly I am not nefarious loh. In fact I think I am too blur and too silly alr, I always take the things simply though I noe the world is complecating. Even my nooby friend zhou jing noes more than me in someways, though she is younger than me..... Ai, the world is sooooo big, got a lot for me to learn abt!!!

If u r interested in the quizes, u can try them from my friendster: http://profiles.friendster.com/user.php
really interesting!!!=)

ok!! need to go back to my bio independent learning liao!=)

Secret

12.7.087:47 pm
My Sat

Today is a sat again, got go back sch to practice for the racial hormony day celebration on next wed and fri, and the boarding school performance on next sat.

Well it is the busiest and most full filled sat I had after the concert. I found the feeling of preparing for the concert when I was singing all the concert songs with my friends, it is so familiar and so nice to smile at each other when singing the songs. I enjoyed it very much!=) haha!! Love the performers a lot!!<33>

Actually, I am quite stressed for the racial harmony performance next wed and fri during the ct periods. Maybe to the audiance it is just a normal performance presented by students, but for us, for Gefang, it is the start, it is the first time for us to perform infront of the whole sch after breaking up from chinese society. It is a brand new cca, and it needs the recognition of the sch. Tt is why as a performer, I feel tt my responsibility not only to express myself or the song, but also to show the goodness of Gefang!!! I have so many worries, I scare tt I screw up the tai bu, I scared tt I spoil the song, I scare tt I cannot convince my school mates tt Gefang is good......

I will try my best for the performance!! Jia You Xiao Chun and Jia You all the performers, together we can prove the existance of Gefang!!!=)

Secret

9.7.089:05 pm
reflection......

Today, got back my chem. Though I more or less expected the result, the feeling is rather different when I actually receive the scrip, all those red crosses hurt me a lot. I just cannot believe it was my scrip, never sooo red like bleeding like tt.

I think I really need to work extremely hard liao, I am not those kind of gifted student, I cannot take the test without studying it. I really must admit tt!!!! Sometimes I really wonder if there is any medicine can make me become more clever, so that I can memorise all the learning pts during the lectures and tutorials. But soooo sad, no such thing exist. haha!!! I am just being lame, ridiculous or maybe self entertaining!!! haha!!! but nvm, who says ppl cannot dream!!! Yar!! dreams make me happy!!! ahhaha!!:D

Jia You Xiao Chun!!! =) ben niao xian fei!!! yes! I believe i can fly, I believe I can touch the sky!!! ahhaha!! too Gefang liao!! haha!!

Anyway, very happy tt Gefang is invited to perform for the racial harmony day!! The time line is really tight, jia you Gefang, we can make it!!!!=)

Ok!! need to go back to do the Gefang practice agenda liao!!!

Secret

7.7.086:19 pm
music is evil......

Music is evil........

I was listen to the music the whole day! Long time never relax down like tt alr, but every single song, the lyrics appeal to me. They make me emo and I just keep thinking abt the meaning of the lyrics until I cannot do my work.

Maybe this period of time I should not listen to all those sad songs bah!!

Be resisted to music!!!!!!!!!

Jia you, I can do it!!

长痛不如短痛, 要快刀斩乱麻!!!

Yes, I will go back to the happy girl soon, shine with the true colours of my life!!!!!=)

Secret

6.7.082:26 pm
blog is finally working

Ahhaha! my lovely blog is finally working liao! so nice to be back!!!

Last week was still busy with all those cca stuff, though I am sort of ccaless now! It is so complecating, dun want to think abt it anymore. Pray hard for Gefang~~~~~~

Well for blocks, sooo far not tt bad lah! haha! but for one subject only, hope my sciences dun pull me from the heaven to the hell! Pray hard~~~~~~~~~~

Secret

12:34 am
it is the end......

Well! 4 months alr, I was soooooooooo not me! But it wasn't anyone's fault!

Stay happily and stay friendly!

Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts in my heart, is the only way for destiny.
Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts, is the only way now for you and me.
I shall dedicate the following song to myself:

他们猜我们后来有没有再见
离席了才会晓得怀念
突然我记起你的脸
那触动依然象昨天
对自己我终于也诚实了一点

是不是回忆就是淡淡柠檬草
心酸里又有芳香的味道
曾以为你是全世界
但那天已经好遥远
饶一圈
我才发现
我有更远地平线

我们都没错
只是不适合
我要的我现在才懂得
快乐是我的不是你给的
寂寞由自己负责

毕竟用尽了力气也未必如愿
总是要过去以后才了解
突然我记起你的脸
爱不爱不过一念之间
饶一圈
今天的我能和昨天面对面

我们都没错
只是不适合
亲爱的我当时不懂得
选择是我的不是你给的
明天自己负责

给昨天的我一个拥抱
曾经她不知如何是好
若我们再见
我会微笑
谢谢你
谢谢你
我尝过爱的好

我们都没错
只是不适合
我要的我现在才懂得
快乐是我的不是你给的
寂寞要自己负责

我要的我现在才懂得
选择是我的
不是你给的
幸福要自己负责

错过的请你帮我

Secret