`♥}-Worlds

19.7.0812:08 am
BLACK friday......

Wow!! This friday was dame unstable......was at the summit, then later dropped into the valley.

Wad should i begain with? How should i begain this?

Early in the morning, I was immersed in my super duper retarded, fake as well as funny dream last night. It was a rare dream tt I can remember when I got up. I laugh at myself, laugh at the stupid dream.

In the morning, I wish tt I did not come to school so early, I wish tt my eye sight was not tt good, I will tt I could just dull everything! Wad did I feel and wad shoul I feel? I have no idea!

At 8:00 am, It was the happiest lesson I've ever had this week! I love my CLL class a lot, I can learn a lot, laugh a lot as well as stone a lot. The two sentenses tt zhang lao shi gave us as a present help me survive the rest of my day!

为爱牺牲一切, 为爱离弃一切;
然而你听我说, 你必须保留今天, 明天, 你整个的未来,
让它们绝对自由, 不要被你的爱人占领.

I wish I could have heared this a few months before or maybe just a few hours before. I want the freedom that use to belong to me!

another one is this:

不管世界多么热闹, 热闹永远只占据世界的一小部分,
热闹之外的世界无边无际,
那里有着我的位置,
一个安静的位置.
哲学的本义是爱智慧,
爱智慧甚于爱一切.
包括甚于爱生命.

In the afternoon, at about 3 pm, tt was when the nightmare start. The audiance were much better, there was a silent second before the first sentense of our fisrt song, follows by the silence poses, blanked music, question marks as well as laughters which we alr get use to them. We try to act calm and enjoy, but actually deep inside us were really mass up. One very loud, one very soft, one absolutely silent. The loud one went sharp at the last line of the second chorus, the soft one could hardly heared, the silent one could not hear at all. Wow, we still manage to finish our song tt requires 3 different parts of melody and harmony. Then ran off with the fastest speed we could ever had. Second song was like one loud, one soft, one very soft. Wow that was really dame "professional", luckily the loud one was dame nice. Third one was merely heard in the laughters. Fourth one was really impressive, well done, Jie hui and Mei ting!

Back to the RUA at abt 3:30pm, stone there for more than 40 mins. Dun dare to walk out, dun dare to move around. This was the time when the second sentence given by zhang lao shi came to my mind. The outside was noisy but I was silent......

At 5:15pm, needed to go for gefang practice for the performance in boarding sch on sat. Had no choice but to move the keyboard back to hui suo which was on the 4th floor of the A block. Dun dare to pass by the class bentch, just walked along the walls outside fishtank and strugged to climb the stairs with the heavy keyboard. Dun dare to look around, dun dare to raise up the head.

Reached boarding sch at abt 6, stoned and chatted with the rest, suddenly felt like to cut my hair or even shave it. I lied on her shoulder and wish I could just stay like tt. She changed my hair style and took retarded pics with me. I was acting high on the small stage there, but wasn't high deep inside my heart.

Got on the bus at abt 8pm outside NJC, it was crowded. Still sad, feel like calling her. At this pt of time only she could tell jokes. She was with her outside, laughing for sth happened in the afternoon which was like a few hours before. Laughed out loud on the bus, ignored all other passengers on the bus, got away from the crowde world.

Ok, said out everything, felt like relieved now. Really ok liao and will just live for myself and for the ppl who love me! Thanks a lot, will stand up soon de!=)

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Fu Xiao Chun

20 years old

6th September 1990

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